I’ve been on an eye-opening journey with a life-coach that my company has generously sponsored me for. One of the key concepts he taught me and that I keep coming back to, is this idea that its unfeasible to strike a “balance” between 2 priorities, but rather that there are 2 (or more) distinct dials or burners in our lives, one for each priority, and each fuels the other.
To illustrate this concept, think of a common concern for parents (that sparked this discussion with my coach in the first place): “how should I balance work and family? should I spend more time with my kids, or should I spend more time at work?”
This question anchors on time being fixed, and tradeoffs needing to be made, a zero-sum mentality. After all, one cannot be in 2 places at the same time.
This is a valid question requiring a tactical trade-off in the moment, but what if we zoomed out and asked ourselves how we can do both not within that specific instance, but across a longer time period? how are the two connected? can doing the work help me show up as a better parent for my kids, perhaps because I now have more financial/career security and because I have my own identity? Can spending the time with my kids recharge me, give me a sense of purpose and help me contribute better at work? What needs to happen for both priorities to be fulfilled equally?
Choosing to think about this in the form of energy (instead of time) unlocks the possibility that there can be multiple burners or multiple dials firing at the same time. My coach called this “breaking free from the tyranny of the OR and embracing the freedom of the AND.”
This mindset shift has helped me tremendously to accept that I have multiple priorities and that I can find the energy to do well in all of them.
What are you thinking of in terms of an OR, and can you reframe it to an AND?
Shweta Padmanaban 